tdjohnsn | I think this is day 8. I can't tell.

Today was not a good day (at least so far) so I am too cranky to dare write much.

The one-armed asshole from New York was abusive to one of our new Plus dancer today so that started me off badly. Every year he manages to get someone so upset that they consider never dancing again, and that is just people in my club. He seems to think people don't like him because he has one arm, but that is so far down the list of reason people don't like him that it hardly even registers.

Then I made the mistake of going to the Dance By Definition( DBD) tip in the Plus level hall. DBD stresses me out since I get really stressed when I screw up, but I try to force myself to do it anyway since I want to be a strong dancer. Well. No more. I keep forgetting that DBD dancing brings out all the people with control issues who think they know everything. We squared up and everything crashed every time. There were several weaker dancers in the square, so that did not help, but while frustrating, that just is. What was bad was the woman who was sure she knew everything who kept pushing people (usually into the wrong place) and then when we square back up made sure to (incorrectly) assign blame for what went wrong. She commented that in 17 years of dancing she had never been in a successful DBD tip. My reaction time is not great when I am concentrating and the other dancer are wandering around, and this woman decided that I was the retarded one and the sourced of all the problems in the square. Did I mention that she was my corner? Anyway, the caller gets us into a Z formation and calls (of course) Peel the Top. I peel and she grabs my hand and tries to make me turn 3/4. I completely lost my temper and screamed at her, "what the F*ck are you doing!?! that's not where I go!" Fortunately it was the signer. My concentration was completely blown but I stumbled through the rest of it rather than bursting into tears and running from the hall. I did go sit in the lobby for the rest of the hour. It was too late to burst into tears but I probably would have felt better if I had. It is nearly 3 hours later and I still don't care if I ever square dance again. At the very least I will never do DBD again.

A funny thing happened today too though. Just before the club picture, Keith passed the Club Megalomaniac bar on. To me. Yeesh. No wonder I am tired all the time.

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It's a real drag when other people behave so horribly that they can actually make you consider giving up a something you love. I've been in that frame of mind a few times. But I love dancing too much to let anyone take it from me! When people are acting out all over the place in your square, remember it's something to do with them, not you.

I hope you realize that you-know-who is not a reflection of the rest of the New York club. On the bright side, you don't have the pleasure you had today all throughout the year, like we do!

I would like to have a dance with you before you leave Denver! :)

don't worry, I dont judge all of Times Squares by him. After all, I know you and Chip (and Greg Crushorn used to dance with Puddletown.)

It is a little alarming how many people have come up to me and mentioned that they had ended up not dancing for a day or more because of how he had treated them. I was lucky since I had been warned so my first encounter with him, while unpleasent, didn't throw me for a loop.

I'm going to assume that you've been in some really good squares this weekend, too!

Danny related to me about HIS first convention in '97 where the one-armed bandit nearly made HIM never dance again.

Sigh.

Wow. I can't even imagine you getting so pissed of that you yell at somebody...

She commented that in 17 years of dancing she had never been in a successful DBD tip.

Perhaps that says something about her?

I hope other good things happened to cheer you up. It's no fun being cranky and being away from home.

It actually turned out to be a good day after all so that was a huge relief.

You were nicer than I would have been. I'd have been, "Lady, there is a reason you've never been in a successul DBD Tip ... You're in it!!!! You don't know what the fuck you're doing and you're pushing people into the wrong places. Leave me alone!" LOL!

Have me along next time ... I may not be a square dancer, but I am a champion two-stepper and ca tell who's doing what. I'd come yell at her just because I like you! HUGS!

At a recent convention --last year's? the prior year's?-- I had a control freak in my A2 square. He insisted on multiple occasions on grabbing bodies and dragging them along with him to the wrong location. I let him do that to me a couple of times out of shock. The third time, I realized he was just as wrong as he was certain and when he grabbed my hand to drag me, I instead held on firmly to his and pulled him along to our (correct) location.

My only regret is not loudly telling him at that time that if you're going to be forceful, you should also be right. And there is rarely any need to be so forceful.

Your description of Shep (one-armed guy) is spot on. He makes nearly everyone miserable. If he screws up something in a square, he always makes it into a tirade about his missing arm. I understand how losing a limb could make one bitter, but geez, after 12 years that I've known him, isn't it time for him to start dealing with the anger?

Not all DBD squares are disasters. Here's a tip: square up right in front of the caller. The weakest dancers and the biggest control freaks seem to gravitate towards the middle and back of the hall. This also applies to WFH/TNP tips.

Next year ... I'll be dancing again, and I will happily make a pact to partner up with you (or dance as your mirror opposite, if you'd rather) for the DBD and/or WFH Plua tips. I'm even willing to get together a "pre-stacked" square of A&C dancers to make it a more fun experience for you. :)

Hugs!

We were actually in the second row of squares, so we were pretty near he front. I think this particular person with control issues is the sort that squares-up up front because, obviously, that is where all the good dancer dance!

:-)

I had no idea that Shep caused so much dissention. Let's face it, there aren't that many one-armed dancers, and NY confirms it. I've known him for quite a long time, but I guess I never had any problems with him.

Some may claim that I can be controlling in a square, but I try and let people do their thing, and just keep them in the right place, or tell people to trade later on, if I realize something has gone amiss. I like things to come out correctly, but try not to be pushy about it.

I'm glad we got to dance in the LJ tip at least. You guys are pretty quiet. DBD can be enlightening - you just need to stack it with some friendly upper level dancers who will pause a moment to let you think for yourself.

You're not the only one who blew up at a dancer this weekend! I blew up at someone who is always wrong, keeps going up in level even though she messes up at the lower levels, and who shoves people the wrong direction. Luckily, I could just drop down to lower levels (like Mainstream or Advanced) and avoid her for the rest of the weekend. Yours wasn't a blonde from southern CA, was she?

As for DBD, there are two approaches you can take, either of which are completely valid in my mind: stack a square with dancers you like or skip them completely. I personally never do a TNP or DBD at anything near my "highest" level -- it takes too much mental energy that if I try to do TNP or DBD at my highest level, I'm working way too hard. Also, don't underestimate the joy of a stacked square! There are times to be welcoming to all, and times to set things up so that your square has a good time.

I'm so glad you posted this. I felt like this at many points throughout the convention and thought it was just me. I was beginning to think that becoming an upper level dancer involves a certain unpleasantness. There are many, many exceptions to this, but I definitely had some major run ins and when it came time for me to correct them, it became even more unpleasant.

Bottom line though, I did have a great time, and just need to figure out a way to get over the "crowd" factor.

I think this is day 8. I can't tell.

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